Pastor Matt: Right around the time I was turning 20 years old and beginning my second year of college, I had a life-changing experience. You see, the previous year, the Lord had been preparing me for this life-changing experience in a number of ways. One of the ways that that year leading up to this experience that I had was actually the first time in my life that I had ever read the entire Bible all the way though. In doing so, one of the things that really got my attention was the fact that Jesus and the apostle, Paul, and many others in the New Testament were talking about how God’s people were supposed to relate to one another.
I grew up in church. I grew up going to church, but for some reason I hadn’t really thought about how God’s people were supposed to be relating to one another. At the beginning of that second year of college, right around the time I was turning 20 years old, I was invited to attend a young church plant. This church was probably 12 to 18 months old, and I was invited to attend. As I approached the building, we parked, and I began to walk in. I was very unimpressed with the rented facility that the church was meeting in. However, interacting with the people from the church from the very first day was literally life changing for me. I had experienced that first visit, and the rest of the time that I attended that church, I had been experiencing what I had read in the New Testament. That was the closest experience that I had ever had with what I had learned that the Bible had said about how God’s people were supposed to relate to one another.
They were kind and welcoming. They showed genuine interest in me and really wanted to help me. They were real, and they were open about their struggles and imperfections in life, yet in an appropriate way using discretion. They asked forgiveness of each other. They asked forgiveness of me sometimes for things that I would think, “That’s no big deal. Why are you asking my forgiveness for this?” They also all helped out in some way or another. You can imagine a young church plant meeting in a rented facility has lots of ways for people to help out, and lots of people helped out.
At that time, I didn't have the categories or the language to be able to articulate what I can articulate now. But really what this experience gave me, was it helped me experience what the Bible taught about how we are to treat one another. In fact it was as I was going to this church and experiencing this that the truths of the Scripture really became realities for me personally. If you fast forward to this spring, we were in the middle of our leadership transition here at Hope Church. Our transition from our founding pastor, Pastor Harold Bullock, to me, and during the transition phase this spring, Pastor Harold and I had a number of meetings with several church members, particularly members who had been a part of Hope Church for a number of years, even before I started attending Hope in 2002.
The purpose of these meetings was for me to connect on a deeper level, for me to get to learn more about their stories, and to understand what had been meaningful to some of our long-time members as I was preparing to become their lead pastor. At some point in the course of having these meetings, I stopped counting how many times I heard people use the phrase, “True to real,” when they were talking about one or more of the seven Heart Attitudes. Over time as many of you have experienced, just like I experienced when I was in college, the living out of the Heart Attitudes, whether they’re being done by you or being done to you, help you understand God’s Word and the principles you find in Scripture. They move those truths into realities.
I knew that early on in my time as lead pastor that I wanted to do a series about the Heart Attitudes. It’s been a number of years since we’ve talked about them in the Sunday morning format here at Hope Church. So, I knew I wanted to do a series, but then after having these meetings with some long-term members of Hope Church, I knew two things. Number One—I knew we needed to do a series on the Heart Attitudes this fall. And Number Two—I was going to call the series, True to Real, because that’s how so many of you have described the impact that the Heart Attitudes have had in your own lives.
Then, as we were making plans for this fall and the message series that we were going to do and officially made the transition, Pastor Harold had time, finally while on his sabbatical, to write a book that he was wanting to write for a number of years. That very book is the one that we’re going to be using this fall in our groups. The Lord allowed all of this to come together for us to be beginning this series today. Today, what I want to do is kick off the series for us. I want to talk a little bit in general about the Seven Heart Attitudes, and then I want to look more specifically at heart attitude number one. Because we are going to be talking about the Heart Attitudes on Sunday mornings, we’re going to be reading the book together, we’re going to be talking about them in our groups, we’re not going to say everything you could possibly say on a Sunday morning.
In fact, I want to encourage you, if you haven’t already, to sign up for a group this fall. The book that is literally hot off the presses by Pastor Harold, the book about heart attitudes that he just wrote—the only way that this book is available right now is by being in a group at Hope Church. If you’re signed up for a group/are a part of a group, we’re going to give you the book. You cannot purchase this book anywhere else at all in the world, but we’re going to give you one to everyone who’s a part of a group. Sundays are going to be more about introducing you to each heart attitude and then talking about some key components of them. We’ll spend the time in groups this fall getting really into them and learning how to practice them in relationship with others.
If you’re newer around Hope Church, you may have never even heard of the Heart Attitudes, but hopefully in your time here interacting with us, you’ve actually experienced them without ever knowing that they existed. That’s how I was first introduced to the Heart Attitudes in that church plant that I mentioned a few moments ago. Here at Hope Church, the Heart Attitudes are not aspirational values for us. Aspirational values are these values that you put up on the wall, and everybody hopes to be able to live like that. For us here at Hope Church, we are all sinners only saved by grace, but these are actually real, lived values. They are something that those who are members of the church actually commit to that they’re going to work on these. You can say that the Heart Attitudes are the bottom line for us in our church membership covenant.
You’ve got a handout there that hopefully you downloaded, and at the top of the handout, you see the list of the Seven Heart Attitudes. I’ve also given you a key verse for each one of those heart attitudes. There are more verses that go with each of the Heart Attitudes, as you’ll see throughout this series. But if you wanted to have a key verse to memorize for each of the Seven Heart Attitudes, you can see the reference there at the top of your handout. So, what are the Seven Heart Attitudes? Let’s take a look at them.
The Seven Heart Attitudes are:
- Put the goals and interests of others above my own.
- Live an honest, open life before others.
- Give and receive Scriptural correction.
- Clear up relationships.
- Participate in the ministry.
- Support the work financially.
- Follow spiritual leadership within Scriptural limits.
You’ll notice that each one of these are a phrase, and the shortest one is just three words. But, they’re not single words. They’re not just nouns. A noun is the name of something, but a phrase actually gives you some real action that you can take, so that you can know if you’re doing it. Let’s take a minute and let's define what we mean when we say, “heart attitude.” In our culture today when you hear the word, “heart,” most of us would automatically think about the muscle in our chest that delivers blood throughout our bodies. But in the Scriptures, what we find is that the heart is really the core, decision making center of our life. It’s the real us deep down on the inside. Proverbs 4:23 says, “ Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” ...that real inner you where you make decisions. That determines the course of your life.
When it comes to attitude, attitude is an angle of approach. We know that airplanes have a certain attitude that they have to have when they come in, so that they can land safely. For us as humans, it’s basically the same thing. Our attitude is our angle of approach to life, to people, to just situations in general. A couple of verses to note here are 2 Corinthians 5:16. It says, “So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer.” Then, Philippians 2:5 says, “You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had.”
Well, what kind of an attitude did Jesus Christ have? What was His angle of approach to life and situations as He walked on this planet? You see, as we define heart attitudes, it’s important to note that following Jesus is both a matter of heart and attitude. Our one sentence summary definition that we’re using for this series, if you want to know what a heart attitude is, is a mental/emotional preset that we use to approach people and situations that we deal with in life. The Heart Attitudes are about shifting our angle of approach from “self-centered and deserving” to “helpful and serving.”
Each one of the Seven Heart Attitudes is about making a shift. The first four heart attitudes deal with our personal relationships, relationships that we have with each other. The last three heart attitudes deal with our organizational relationships as we relate to groups and teams and church life in general. As many of you know and already practice, the Heart Attitudes can be used in virtually all the relationships that we have. We can use them in family, spouse-to-spouse, child-to-child, child-to parent, parent-to-child. Here at church we can use them in groups, on teams, as we gather for worship services and large events. They can be used with friends and neighbors. They can even be used at work among your co-workers.
Basically, any of the relationships that you have in life, even if the person doesn’t know Jesus and even if the person doesn’t know about the Heart Attitudes, you can choose to take that angle of approach. Again, the Heart Attitudes have to do with my angle of approach, not the other person’s. It’s as we make these shifts and we align our personal, relational patterns and habits more closely to the way that God has designed and intended things to work, we can actually experience peace and joy and happiness in our relationships.
All of us humans, none of us are perfect. We’re all sinners. We all mess up. We all have problems, but the Heart Attitudes add so much to our relationships. They even give us a framework to use to deal with relationships that are strained or damaged or even broken relationships. That’s just a brief introduction to the Heart Attitudes. I want to shift now and take a closer look at Heart Attitude number one with you—Put the goals and interests of others before my own. Before we take a closer look at Heart Attitude number one, I want you to hear from some folks who are a part of Hope Church and learn about their experiences with the Heart Attitudes over time.
(Video begins) Elizabeth: “Putting the goals of others above my own, I think, is the hardest thing for me to choose to do when others around me aren’t doing it because it’s so easy… It would be so easy for me to… and still is for me now to really justify a thousand reasons why it’s really okay for me to put myself first. In those environments, especially, it was hard to not fall into the ‘look out for yourself’ and put myself before everybody else. And, everybody else can deal with their own problems. That one I think is the one that was really difficult to do when the people around me weren’t also doing it, because it’s a lot easier to put other’s goals ahead of your own when they’re trying to do the same thing for you. But when you’re trying to do that and nobody else is doing it, it’s exponentially more challenging.”
“Trying to live out the Heart Attitudes in those environments, I was really able to build trust with people. I was actually telling someone a story the other day that a co-worker of mine trusted me with some information. I was baffled at the time as to why they were telling me this, but they told me later that they thought I was trustworthy. I think it is because I had very imperfectly, but I had tried to live out the Heart Attitudes and put others first and be open and honest about where I was and about the things I struggled with. I think that helped my co-workers be able to trust me with things.”
Jon: “I tried to find ways to exercise it, Heart Attitude number one, for example. Putting the interests of others before my own—I find that that’s easy to do in real life and in all kinds of situations. In fact, it’s kind of rewarding. Here are just some quick examples. I consciously, now that I understand the concept and what that means and what it can do certainly in working with a group of people at church, but again what it also means in real life in everyday situations… I will consciously look for certain opportunities. For example, if I’m in line at the store, be it Sam’s or Costco or grocery store or whatever, and someone comes up behind me and they’ve only got one or two items, I love to just say, ‘Hey, would you like to go ahead of me?’ It’s a very easy thing to do. It’s a simple thing, but it’s still engaging Heart Attitude number one.”
“Another one is at restaurants. My wife and I eat out a fair amount of the time, and our interaction with the wait person is key. We try to interact in a way that shows them that we really care about you and your life and your situation. We just engage them in a way that helps them to feel that we do care about them. At the end when it comes to a tip, for example, it’s really easy for me to leave an extra buck or two over and above what I might. It’s nothing, but to that person, the person to whom it’s another three or four or five percent, that’s an easy thing to do.”
“Here’s another one that’s kind of fun to do. Whenever I’m out in public—I could be traveling or could just be local—and see a family or group of people trying to take a picture, it might be a selfie or someone has to stand back and take a picture of the rest of the group. I offer, ‘Hey, can I take the picture so that you can all be in it?’ Oh my goodness! Sometimes it’s as if that’s the best thing that happened to them all week long. That’s the reward, just bringing a little bit of delight to people’s lives by doing something small like that. Heart Attitude number one is especially one that can done in all walks of life.”
Phil & Rebecca: “It doesn’t mean that I didn’t have experiences earlier, but one that just deeply impacted me was I had been at Hope for few months and one day after church my group leader—I had joined a small group—said, ‘Could you come by my car? I have something for you.’ And, I went out to her car, and we were visiting. Then she pulled out this gift bag and said… I don’t remember the exact sentences, but basically, “I received a gift card at church and went to the store and saw this and thought you would love it.” Did I say church? I meant work. She received a gift card at work from her employer, but she went into the store and saw something for me. That just impacted me so much, because I wouldn’t have ever even thought to look for or think about someone else if someone had given me a gift card. It just changed my perspective. That was so others-centered. I had never experienced anything like that.”
Aaron: “For me, I’ve got a lot of small memories around of the first heart attitude of putting the goals and interests of others above your own, because for me that’s the core struggle that I deal with, that selfishness. The whole passage of Philippians 2 that goes with that heart attitude is one of those daily remembrances of things that I pray for and have gone back to and tried to push myself on that I still remember today and sill work on today so much.”
Libby: “There are a lot of opportunities to put the goals and interests of others when you’re working on events or any projects for that matter. There’s a lot of people involved. I think there are a lot of opportunities, a lot of hats in the ring or hands in the bag—whatever phrase you want to use. When you’re working with a lot of people, there’s just a lot of ideas, and when you’re leading, you really need to be the person to say, ‘This is the way we’re going to do it. I think that you can choose to put the goals and interests of others first in that by taking other people’s ideas into account and not just writing them off as, ‘I’m the leader, and this is how we’re going to do it because this is how I want to do it.’ There are opportunities where they may see something differently that I may not be seeing, where our guests at the event might enjoy something more if we were to change it to that way.
I can include them and help them accomplish their goals by taking that feedback, but then put the goals and interests of our audience for the event above my ideas by saying, ‘Yes, people might enjoy doing it this way better.’ Or, ‘They may enjoy seeing this first or going through this food line with a hot dog bun before they get the hot dog.’ Whatever it is, I think that is one of the more stretching parts of working on events. There is a temptation to just make it a wonderful event and plan it and think, ‘Oh, I put this great thing on.” The bigger picture is you really want to think about the people that you’re putting the event on for and make it something that shows hospitality to them or reflects God’s kingdom to them. It’s not about you as the event person.” (Video ends)
Pastor Matt: Let’s take a closer look at Heart Attitude number one. Let’s start by looking at some of the key verses behind “Put the goals and interests of others above my own.” You’ve got some verses listed there on your handout. The first verse and the core verse is Philippians 2:3-4. It says, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.” Two additional verses that are very important to Heart Attitude number one are these. John 13:34-35, which says, “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this, all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” 1 John 3:16-18 says, “This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.”
As we think about putting the goals and interests of others above our own, we find that it’s really the core of the New Testament’s definition of love. Love is what we’re talking about when we say, “Put the goals and interests of others above my own.” Earlier, I mentioned that we use phrases and not just nouns. I think Heart Attitude number one is a perfect example of why we use phrases and not just nouns, like the word, “love.” If I were to say the word, “love,” basically, each and every one of us would define it based on our own definition of love. Are we to love one another like I love a good steak? Or, like I love to ride my bike? Or, like I love my wife?
Whenever we use this word, “love,” in our society and the culture around us, often what is meant is some kind of a warm feeling that stirs devotion in one person toward another person, as long as that warm feeling lasts. But using a phrase, like “putting the goals and interests of others above my own,” actually gives me action that I can take. it can help me determine if I’m hitting the target, if I'm near the target but not quite in the bull’s eye, or if I’m so far off the target that I’m nowhere near what we’re after.
Putting the goals and interests of others above my own is the core of the New Testament’s definition of love. It also has to do with our motives and our actions. We see this in that verse we looked at earlier, Philippians 2:3. It says, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit…” Selfish ambition and vain conceit are the wrong motives. It’s when we’re just looking out for ourselves and we want something and we feel that we deserve that something. Selfish ambition is about just looking at my interests. Period. I want what I want without any regard to other people and what their needs might be.
Vain conceit is about this feeling that I deserve it. That thing that I really want so bad, I actually more than want it. I deserve it. Our motives should not be out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. What we see here is that our motives should be in humility and considering others better than ourselves. Humility and the interests of others are the right motives. Just for fun—I know you may be at home; you may have your family with you, or may be by yourself. But just for fun right now, look around the room, wherever you are. This would be even more fun if you’re sitting out at a Starbucks somewhere watching this right now. Look around the room that you’re in, and look to your right, to your left, maybe behind you. Look for some other people. Identify them with your eyes. These are all people that you should consider better than yourself...all of these other people around you.
I want you to listen to this same verse, Philippians 2:3, but out of The Message paraphrase, because it does a good job of really helping us understand what it’s talking about. It says, “Don’t push your way to the front of the line. Don’t sweet talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside and help others instead. Don’t be obsessed with getting your own advantage.” Now, what about action? Wrong action is doing what I want without any regard for other people. So, the right action would be to pursue my goals in line with a way that would be helpful to others around me. It’s important to note that I still have goals and interests.
I have responsibilities. If you have a job, you have a job. If you are married, you have a spouse. If you’re a parent, you have children. If you own a home, you own a home, which means you’ve got to mow the yard. We all have goals and interests. This is not saying that we don’t take care of our goals and interests at all, but rather what it’s saying is that the right action is that as we’re going about taking care of our goals and interests, we’re doing it in a way that we’re looking out for others. We’re actually noticing the other people around us. We’re seeing needs they have, and as we can and as it’s appropriate, we actually meet some of those needs.
As a follower of Jesus, I may have to say “no” to what I want in order to love someone else. Have you ever done that? Have you ever had to say “no” to something that you want in order to love someone else? I can think of one of the best examples for those who are parents. You do this a lot, right? I’ve got two preschoolers at home. Neither one of my children were very good sleepers. There were many times that my wife and/or I had to say “no” to sleep in order to take care of the needs of the child that we love.
Also, as a follower of Jesus, I need to be flexible and ready to be inconvenienced or sacrifice for others. I see these as different degrees to which we put the goals and interests of others above our own. That’s being flexible, then being inconvenienced, then sacrificing. Here is what I mean. Being flexible can sort of be the easiest one. That is unless you’re not a flexible person. Let’s say you’re hungry, and it’s time to go to lunch. You’re planning to go to lunch with a coworker and it’s time to go. Your coworker calls you and says, “Hey, I need about 45 more minutes to finish up this project and meet this deadline. Then, we can go to lunch.” Being flexible is waiting the 45 minutes and shifting your lunch plans and just going and eating a little bit later. Being flexible is not all that hard, usually.
Then, there’s being inconvenienced. That’s a step up from just having to be flexible. Let’s say maybe you’re trying to get together with some friends, and you’d really prefer to meet on Friday evening. Then, as the group is sort of working out the schedule, it turns out that everyone else in the group is not available on the Friday evening that’s the best, most convenient time for you. But, they are available on Saturday afternoon. You’ve got some plans on Saturday afternoon, but it’s something that you can move and change around. So, that’s more of an inconvenience for you because you’ve got to change some other plans that are flexible in order to help find a time that the whole group can meet together.
Then, there’s sacrifice. That’s when it actually costs you something to help someone else. We looked at earlier John 13:34. Jesus said, “As I have loved you, you must love one another.” Well, how did Jesus love? He sacrificed. Ultimately, He sacrificed His life for us. He died on the cross for us, but while He was living, He sacrificed in so many ways as you read through the Gospels. He sacrificed Himself to minister to people in need. Perhaps you have just wrapped up a really busy season at work, and you have been working long days, long nights. You’ve been working all weekend, and on the very first weekend that you’re done with that busy season, you’ve got plans to go out of town. You’re going to go out of town to a lake house. You’re just going to enjoy yourself and relax. That same weekend, when it’s your first weekend off, a close friend or a family member is in the middle of a crisis. You decide not to go out of town and get the rest and relaxation you were planning, but you decide to stay in town and be with this close friend or family member and help them through this crisis that they’re going through. That’s an example of sacrificing for someone else.
Putting the goals and interests of others above my own is also about turning knowledge into action to help others. 1 Corinthians 1:8 makes an interesting statement. It says, “...but knowledge puffs up, while love builds up.” Sometimes, it’s easy, especially if we’ve been walking with Jesus for a long time, to get caught up in the knowing and acquiring knowledge, even knowledge of God’s Word...which is a good thing to know. We get so caught up in the knowledge and the acquiring of knowledge that we actually forget to do. We forget to love those around us.
James 4:17 is a good reminder for us. It says, “Remember, it is sin to know what you ought to do and then not do it.” For me, I like to think of the knowledge/action scale. That is that there are some things that we need to know. We’ve got to learn some things. We’ve got to acquire knowledge. We need to know what to do, and then there’s the action of what we do with that knowledge that we know. Pretty much, it’s probably safe to say that we’re always going to know more than we do with it. What we don’t want to do is be so caught up in the acquiring knowledge, then way down here is the actual doing and the loving. Let’s see some balance in those two where we know and put into practice. And, we do what we know.
Whether you’ve been practicing the Heart Attitudes for a number of years or you’re just learning about them for the very first time today, I want to invite you to be aware of other people around you this week. I want to invite you to look for ways to put the goals and interests of others above your own. Here are a few ways that you might put into practice Heart Attitude number one. I’ve given you a beginner, intermediate, and and advanced way to practice it, depending on where you are.
For a beginner, you might just start by holding the door open for a stranger, or maybe the next time you’re on the highway, you let somebody in your lane who has their signal on or even if they’re signal is not on. You can tell they’re trying to merge into the lane, and you let them in instead of going past and box them out. A more intermediate step you might consider is to… Let’s say you had a wonderful dessert and just one piece of that wonderful dessert left. Rather than sneaking down to the fridge and eating it after the rest of your family goes to bed, maybe you leave that piece of dessert for someone else in your family to enjoy.
Also, a great intermediate step is to join a group this fall. All of our groups are going to be reading through that book that I mentioned—the brand-new book that Pastor Harold wrote on the heart attitudes. They’re going to discussing the Heart Attitudes. They’re going to be looking for ways to practice the Heart Attitudes in the context of a group, so a great intermediate step would be to join a group this fall. Then, a more advanced step would be to give up several hours on a weekend to help a friend or a family member with a project that they have to do. Maybe someone is getting ready to move, and they need help packing up the house. Or, they need help with the actual act of moving and loading the truck and trailer and then unloading it at the new location. Maybe they've got a landscaping project or a remodeling project that they’re working on, and you can actually give up a good chunk of your weekend to help them with their goals and interests.
Over time as we learn what God’s Word says and put it into practice, we can experience real life change, and we can experience the real benefits of living life God’s way. Would you bow with me in prayer? Father, thank You that You made us. You made us to love us and to have a relationship with us. Thank You that You have given us Your Word as a guide on how to relate better with one another. I ask that this week You would give us opportunities to put the goals and interests of others above our own. And as You bring those opportunities, I pray that You would please help us to be aware of them and then to act obediently and appropriately according to the opportunity that You’ve given us. I pray all of this in Jesus’ name. Amen.
