Ben McSpadden: One of my favorite gadgets around the house is the flashlight. The flashlight is so useful when trying to find things that are hidden in the dark. When you need to find something that’s fallen into a dark place, like behind the couch or behind the entertainment center, or fix something that there’s not a lot of light in, like a closet, or see things when the power is out, like the storms that are coming this season... Darkness keeps us from effectively dealing with what is there, while light helps us see what we otherwise would not see or have trouble finding or even knowing was there.
Last week, we began a series of messages on Heart Attitudes. Heart Attitudes are mental/emotional presets that we use to approach people and situations that we deal with in life. As a church, we have identified seven key attitudes that really help us have a healthy church community. Today’s attitude that we’re going to look at is “Live an honest, open life before others.” This Heart Attitude acts like a flashlight by shedding light on what is really going on in our lives, so that we can relate well with one another. In fact, we even give out a little flashlight like this in our Start Here Experience classes that we have on Sundays. If you want a flashlight, check out our Start Here Experience.
This idea of living an honest, open life is particularly important to us as a group of followers of Christ because of how God has designed His church. The Bible says, “Therefore, each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body.” A paraphrase of this same passage says, “What this adds up to, then, is this: no more lies, no more pretense. Tell your neighbor the truth. In Christ’s body, we are all connected to each other, after all. When you lie to others, you end up lying to yourself.”
As a church, we are the body of Christ. This means that we’re connected in both mission and in relationship to each other. We’re not just floating around, disconnected individuals, who have a connection with God. God intends for us to stay connected with each other, as well as Him, to accomplish His purposes. Much like a body with many parts must work together to accomplish basic purposes of the human experience. We are connected to each other, but we are also connected to the Head, who is Christ. God places a high value on truth, because He wants us to effectively navigate the reality He’s placed us in and fulfill what He’s purposed or intended.
Understanding what is actually there allows us to make good decisions on how to proceed. This is why honesty is important. Honesty is so important because it aligns with what is true, and it brings blessing. Jesus said to those who believed Him. He said, “If you abide in my word, then you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” Abiding in God’s Word means we will know the truth. Truth is something God is in the business of communicating to us. If we are to be connected with God, this means that we’re to be connected with the One who speaks truth, the One who does truth, the One who is Truth. Therefore, we need to speak and do truth.
The blessing of knowing and doing truth is that it sets us free. We know and do this truth in the context of what we looked at last week—putting others before ourselves. We do it in the context of love. Again, the Bible says, “Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church.” When we pursue and do truth in the context of love, we grow more and more like Christ in character. Growing in truth is important so we can grow more like Christ in character, but also that we can withstand the schemes of our enemy, the Devil, who is at war against us. Truth is part of our spiritual armor.
A little bit further in the same letter that we just looked at a passage of it, the passage says, “Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness…” The opposite of being honest is being deceitful. This is dangerous water to wade through because deceit is the devil’s domain to damage. The devil is our adversary. He wants to steal, kill and destroy, and his goal is to damage. When you get into untruth, deceit, lies, you get into bending what’s really going on, and therefore, you and those you lie to can’t navigate reality very effectively.
Have you ever walked through your house in the dark and stubbed your toe? You’ve been through that room a thousand times, but something has moved. Your perception of the layout doesn’t match the actual layout. It’s called having kids who leave toys out. Who knew legos could hurt so much in the middle of the night? This attempt to not align what you know in reality leads to damage. Whether it’s intended or not by people who practice deceit...in fact, sometimes they have a need for self-preservation to prevent them from getting damaged, and in the process they damage others. This is why the first Heart Attitude is so important.
If we put the goals and interests of others above our own, by not worrying about self-preservation but group unity and love, then deceit is not on the table for us. Lying is definitely a tactic of the enemy. His intentions are clear that he wants to destroy. This is why God is very much opposed to it. He desires blessing not damage. The Bible says, “No one who practices deceit shall dwell in my house; no one who utters lies shall continue before my eyes.” That’s a pretty serious statement from God. One of the hopes and end goals of all that we find in Scripture is that we could be in the presence of God for eternity, the presence of the One who created us, the presence of the One who is steadfast in His love and His faithfulness. Those who practice deceit are told that they won’t remain in His presence.
Earlier, we looked at Jesus telling those who believe in Him that they would know the truth and that the truth would set them free. However, for those who rejected Him, a little bit later in that passage, He said very plainly to them… He says, “You are of your father the devil, and your will is to do your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies.” Wow, those who lie speak just like their father the devil. It’s interesting that murder is brought up because again, deceit is a place for damage. If we lie, we speak our native tongue. What hope is there for us if we have lied?
Remember, Jesus is speaking to those who are rejecting Him in this moment, and He is making it clear that truth is not with those who reject Him. However, many of us who are followers of Christ, have sinned by lying, but we’re not left in our sins. There is good news. Listen to what the Bible tells us. It says, “...giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light. He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us into the kingdom of his beloved Son.” If we follow Christ, we don’t have to remain stumbling in the kingdom of darkness where we just get damaged. We’ve been welcomed into the Kingdom of Light. We are citizens of a country that is Light and operates with truth.
Being honest in our living is an outflow of the kingdom that we are a part of. It’s in the context of love, that we do and we speak truth. By doing this we align ourselves with what is really there. We are also to take an approach of being open. You can be honest, but not very open. Honesty deals with what aligns with truth, but openness takes a bit more of a risk to let people know you beyond the surface level. It’s a risk because when you’ve been burned by people before in the past, you are inclined to protect yourself from future damage. Not being open seems a safer approach to prevent being burned in the future. It’s like putting on a pretend mask. You’re not telling lies; you’re just not opening up about everything.
The problem is people can’t really get to know the real you. Openness is important because it helps people see the real me. Check out what some of our other church members have to say about the benefit of living an honest and open life. (Video begins)
Phil & Rebecca Sherwood: “One of the things that has amazed me as I’ve applied being open and honest is how when I share something I’m struggling with or some sin I need to confess, when I share that with someone, just how much that eases the burden, eases the pain. I open up and share with my wife that I’m really kind of concerned about this, just verbalizing it and sharing with her lowers my stress level. It just amazes me how much that helps. I never would have expected that.”
“One thing I noticed is by being open and honest my boss trusted me, and over time I was given more responsibility and more pay because I had that trust. Even when another job position completely shifted, being willing to put their interests first and help out also helped my relationship with my co-worker. It was a small office. There were only four of us in the office, so having good relationships is really key. I think because of that we had a really peaceful work environment even when things got stressful at the office.”
Elizabeth McWilliams: “Being honest and open has been really helpful. It can also be really difficult, too. I think it has really been a help when we were first married and we were at Hope, people talked a lot about how it’s really easy to feel like you’re on opposite sides and you’re battling against each other. Really, you need to be on the same team battling against whatever problem has arisen. I think being open and honest has really helped that because I can tell Aaron what I’m thinking or feeling, and he can share what he’s thinking back with me. We can be open about it and get on the same page and on the same team moving forward instead of trying to guess all the time what the other is thinking and feeling, because then we end up on opposite sides. But if we can be open and honest with each other, we can really come together on the same side and work together to tackle whatever problem we may be facing.
In a marriage relationship, you just really want to be known. You don’t want to have to feel like you have to be something you’re not. I think a lot of times it’s easy to think we have to live up to some certain standard that we have set that may be self-imposed or maybe we’ve just assumed this is what this person wants me to do. Being open and honest really can take all that away. I can ask Aaron, “Hey, what is it that you want me to do here?” Or, “Hey, this is where I am.” It takes all of the guesswork out of marriage. We’re not guessing about each other. We’re just never going to guess completely right what each other is thinking or feeling. It takes a ton of the guesswork out to be committed to being open and honest. That’s really helped.
Doing those things has drastically changed how I parent and how Aaron parents and how we work together in parenting. I’m so grateful for that. I was thinking earlier, “I don’t know how we would parent if we didn't’ have the Heart Attitude ‘lingo.’” I would just be completely different. It’s hard enough. It’s still difficult even when we have all of these tools in our toolbox, our parenting toolbox. It’s still difficult, and we still mess up at it all of the time, but we feel like we have a way forward. When parenting gets hard or when things aren’t going well, I can usually look to some different Heart Attitudes and be like, “This is something we can work on. I don’t know what else we can do, but we can at least try to work on this one thing. That always gives us a way forward when we’re feeling stuck.” (Video ends)
Ben McSpadden: Again in line with what is really there and letting people know what is going on allows there to be real, meaningful relationships. If you’ve been burned or fear being burned, it’s easier just to not be open. The downside is that it’s hard to build deep and meaningful relationships in the future if you cut everybody off from really knowing you. They will only relate to you at the surface level that you present. They won’t know what’s really going on because you don’t let them know. The more challenging, and yet more fulfilling, approach is learning how to appropriately be open with people who you want to build trust with. To the extent that you risk again being open, you’ll have the possibility to have deeper friendships. Honesty deals with aligning with truth, but openness has this aspect of a depth of relationship to it.
The Bible says, “If we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.” We can have fellowship with each other as we walk in the truth and light of God. By walking with God and doing life His way, we can better walk with each other, and Christ cleanses us from all our sin. Again, the Bible says, “The integrity of the upright guides them, but the crookedness of the treacherous destroys them.” Openness doesn’t mean airing out all of our dirty laundry for everyone to see, but the openness that we’re talking about is one that allows people to connect with us rather than block them from connecting. In other words, an open life appropriately builds a bridge, not a barrier.
There’s a discretion the Bible talks about in relating with others. The Bible says, “The heart of the wise makes his speech judicious and adds persuasiveness to his lips.” “A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back.” You can take two extremes with being open: not open at all, being secretive. People either take you at the surface level person you present or someone who’s trying to hide something. People trying to hide something are not very trustworthy, so no openness is a barrier for people connecting. The other extreme is saying everything. This is like babbling about all of your opinions. This is sharing all of your problems, regardless of who is hearing. I like this meme about Facebook. It says, “Facebook Wisdom: Remember, it says ‘Status’ not Diary.’”
Sometimes you might be tempted to post something, but it could actually be inappropriate for all the Facebook audience to see. It could cause significant damage to relationships. People who overshare can create barriers in their relationships. We need to find this place where we appropriately open up to people to build bridges, not barriers. In groups at Hope, we encourage honest and open discussions. This allows us to encourage one another where we are actually at in life and not speak to things that don’t really matter to us. Openness is risky, but it gives us an advantage to actually grow where we’re actually at.
Openness is also a two-way street. People are open to the extent that they trust those they are open with. If you want people to open up, you can’t demand it. You can be the first to take a risk and set the pace by being open and honest, and if you’re honest and appropriately open, people will see that you are someone that can be trusted because your honesty means you’re someone trying to deal with reality. And, your openness means you're using discretion to navigate toward meaningful relationships. Again, this is done with love.
In addition to setting pace with being open and honest, you need to be kind. You have to do this for a while before others want to open up. While the devil likes to damage, if he can’t convince us to lie, he wants us to use facts to be brutal with people. He wants us to share every thought without discretion to blow things up. Then, this is where we can sometimes use the excuse of being honest, real, authentic, or even transparent to justify just being mean and causing damage to other people. If the devil can get us to do any of those things, he can lead us toward shutting people down from being honest and open with each other. Then, his dominion of damage begins to creep into our lives and into our community.
God is in the business of building. Being honest and open has helped build relationships. I can share with my kids the challenges that I’ve faced in life that gives them some hope that when they hit similar challenges, they’re not alone in their struggle. They don’t hear how cool dad was when he was in high school, because quite frankly, he wasn’t. But, they do hear about his struggles. They know someone who loves them and has had to navigate through some of the challenges of life that they’re going to face. They have someone that they can talk to about it. Being honest and open has allowed people to pray with me and for me with the challenges of life. Not just relating with my kids, but even fellow adults…
When I shared with the group leaders last year the complications that my wife was facing in her pregnancy, good friends encouraged me to get as many people praying because they understood the seriousness of it. The complications were life-threatening to my wife. They also helped me understand how to help navigate the gravity of the situation with my kids. Had I not been open, I would have not had people who walked through it with me. I would have been very lonely, and it would have felt very isolating. Rather, the relationships were strengthened because people showed care, concern, and they prayed with us.
Again, with this honesty and openness, the purpose is to build bridges to our relationships, to have connections, not to create barriers or steamroll people. Even with our words, we are to build. Again, the Bible says, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” Honest and open living can grow healthy friendships. We looked at a part of this passage in 1 John, but here is the greater context in a little bit more of that passage. It says this: “This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all. If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.”
As we live an honest, open life, the light will shine on some things we need to work on. This is why you want to tune into our next message in the series, because it’s going to help us navigate what to do when we run into problems that we need to deal with so that we can align ourselves with truth. We’re all at different points in this concept of living an honest, open life before others. Depending on where you’re at in your walk with God, here are some next steps that you might consider taking this next week. If this is really a new concept for you, maybe there’s something on your social media profile that’s misleading, that doesn't really represent the real you. You can change that this week.
Maybe you’ve been doing that while you’ve tested out living an honest, open life, but maybe your next step would be to ask a leader that you trust to pray with you about a real challenge you’re facing right now. If you’ve been doing this for awhile and you’ve practiced being honest and open, maybe you need an advanced step. Maybe we need to evaluate what we do and say when nobody is watching. Ask God to help us build patterns in these moments that reflect the character of Christ. Whatever your next step is, I want to encourage you this week to step into the light. Let’s be honest and open with those around us.
Let’s pray. Lord, we are so grateful that You are the God of Truth, that You communicate Truth, that You are Truth, and that You want us to really effectively navigate what’s going on all around us. Father, we ask right now that we could align with that, that we would be truth-bearers, both in our speech and our action, and that we would do it in a loving way, Father. That we could grow deep, meaningful relationships with those around us, and that we would encourage others around us to step into the light with us. We ask for Your help this week with whatever next step we need to take. Make that clear and that we would have the strength that You provide and the courage that You provide so that we would step into the light and have fellowship with You and with those around us. We pray these things in Jesus Christ’s name. Amen.
